Tuesday, January 10, 2012
The last couple of days have been extremely tough... but today was exceptionally tough. I woke with a sickening feeling that something was wrong with Alexis and my heart was aching as I could not feel her move. I know it's nothing more than the devil working on my mind and wrenching at my heart but honestly some days are just simply tougher than others. I immediately reached out to a dear friend from church and requested that she please pray for me and pray that God would give me peace of mind and a rest beyond measure. I know that I am going to have to rely solely on God for peace during this time and that's what I'm going to do. Another friend gave me a great scripture last night... Be still and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth (Psalm 46:10).
Today I went in to see the nurse so she could do a fetal heart rate check (just for peace of mind) and Alexis' heart rate was 152bpm. Praise God!
I am writing about my day so you know that it is okay to be sad, scared, and to be human - and that's what I'm doing - however, what I'm not going to do is let the devil win! This is a battle that we will be victorious over! I'm just so glad to know that the good Lord has armed us with a loving family, a wonderful church family, and awesome friends to help us through this trying time. I'm on a serious count-down until week 37 when we can bring our baby girl (Alexis) home and we can properly give Bridgette the farewell she deserves!
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)
Don't lose faith and hope - some days it's all you have or need!