Saturday, September 17, 2016

Learning To Live Again...

So many times I hear people talk about their past as if they still live there. I personally know how hard it is to let go of the past and move on. It's a part of who we are. It's what has molded us into the person we are today. It's the orchestra that has been playing our song of life and got us to the concert we are playing in today. However, it is not how we should live our lives.

Our past is what crafted our journey, yes. But, it is also history. It is a series of lessons that we should learn from and use to propel us into the person or to the dream we want to achieve. It should not be the stopper that keeps us from living.

Every day I am reminded of something from my past. Prime example, my husband. I look at him and think of all we have come through to get to where we are today. Is it perfect? No. But show me one marriage that is truly perfect, without flaws, and I'll show you how it's not. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. The definition of perfect is: make (something) completely free from faults or defects, or as close to such a condition as possible. I don't know about you, but I can tell you that neither Ryan nor myself are perfect. We may strive to be perfect but that wouldn't necessarily be the whole truth either because we're human. We get lazy. We get selfish. We are our own kind of perfectly normal. But, we are each other's and to me he is my kind of perfect. I am learning daily that I cannot live in our past or I will never be able to enjoy our present and build for our future.

Another example of something that reminds me of my past is my daughter. Oh what a joy it is to be a Mother. To be Her Mommy. She is beyond amazing. She is not perfect, but she's perfect to me. I'm listening to her sing Happy Birthday to her stuffed animals in her bedroom right now as I'm writing. Her voice is music to my ears. It's a melody that warms my heart to the core. She is everything I could have ever imagined in a daughter, and more. However, when I look at her, I am reminded daily of all the other children we do not hold in our arms. The ones that reside in Heaven. I think about her sister, Bridgette, and how my heart longs to hold her and hear her sing Happy Birthday to her stuffed animals. How I wonder why I couldn't have her. Why she didn't make it. It saddens my heart and is a past reminder that hurts through to my bones. But, I can't live there, even as much as I want to some days. I know I have to move on. It doesn't mean that I don't think about her daily (and often many times throughout the day). I wonder why I couldn't keep her alive and sometimes have an overwhelming grief that encompasses me as I think about that day we were told she had deceased. It's hard. It's a real pain that will never go away. I won't pretend to understand God's plan or even tell you I'm okay with it -- but, I do trust Him. I have to!

I share this with you so you know that whatever pain or past you may be dealing with is just that....The Past.... Let it go! Find a way to deal with it, but leave it in its respective place. Don't carry it with you into your present and allow it to hinder dreams of your today and your future. When I'm having "one of those days" I have to pray harder. I am not sure how you've dealt with your past, and maybe you haven't, but you have to find what works for you. I find an altar. I find it's a place of rest where I can rejuvenate myself. The best advice I can give you is to learn to pray through the pain, and then get up and enjoy living again.

I would be lying if I told you that letting go is as easy as writing these words on this blog -- but it's not. Some days are extremely tough...But I'm TOUGHER! I'm a "G18Mommy" and I'm a lot stronger today than my past self ever thought I could be or would be. I've overcome a lot of heartache, obstacles and pain, but I've also endured much joy, success and happiness. Find your Joy. Don't get stuck on the sadness of your past.

Through scriptures I find that if I'm faithful to Him - He's faithful to me. Through prayer and continued spiritual growth I can more easily put my past behind me and move forward to achieve the great things God has planned for me.  "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past." (Isaiah 43:18) "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Well, I'm off to enjoy a birthday party for my baby girls stuffed animals and eat pretend cake and drink pretend punch.

As I close today, I pray you can find peace. Let go of your past. Remember, you don't live there anymore. What once held you back yesterday is what's going to propel you today...let the past go, you don't live there anymore!

Remember, as I've written before, if you take nothing else away from my blog - I pray you will never forget that you are "wonderfully" and "fearfully" made (Psalm 139:14). Never forget that you are the son or daughter of the Almighty King of Kings and that you do not have to "BE" what the world expects you to be, but you do have to be what makes You happy! Do something kind today. Be nice to others and respect those you interact with. Strive to make a difference in other's lives, but more importantly make a difference in your own life. Life is messy....thank God for Bounty paper towels, Grace and Mercy!

"Pretty words aren't always true....and true words aren't always pretty; but when the truth is spoken, it's always beautiful!"

"And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32)

Have a wonderful weekend!

"G18 Mommy" 
"...the battle is the Lord's" (I Samuel 17:47)